We apologise if you’ve clicked here hoping to learn more about the author.

We’ve been asked to pass on the message that the author is not, by any stretch of the imagination a well man and wishes to be left (in his own words) the hell alone!

However, if you have any unused or out of date prescription drugs or unwanted alcohol you can get in touch with him through this website and he will gladly take it off your hands. He feels he’d be doing you a favour as substances like that shouldn’t be left lying around especially if you have children in the house. So come on people, do your civic duty and box it up and send it to him. Also would whatever government agency that’s been electronically monitoring him please stop. He’s afraid to leave the house and certain fast food establishments have refused to deliver to him. They said it’s to do with his shitty attitude and the fact that he shot at one of them because he mistook him for a burglar, but he knows that somebody has got to them too. He also wishes that somebody could please tell that nosey bitch next door to stop sending the police to his door and no, he does not know what happened to her fucking cat. Maybe the cat couldn’t stand being in the same house with such a miserable old cunt and decided to hand himself in to the S.P.C.A. He wouldn’t blame him one bit. He didn’t kill her fucking cat all right?!!! Also, could someone please tell those fuckers at the Internal Revenue Service to kiss my ass!! They’ll get their money when they can pry it out of my cold dead hands. (His words not ours.)

The author would also like to know if anyone out there knows what genital warts look like and if so they could come by some time and have a look at something for him. Also does anyone know where one could acquire large quantities of potassium nitrate? It’s for his nephew’s school science project. Finally women. Anyone knows where he can get some. Just to come by the house and do some light housework and maybe the odd sponge bath. Preferably between the ages of eighteen and twenty. That’d be just great. One last thing, could someone please recommend a good exterminator as the half lizard/ half rat things seem to be taking over the house. And if they’re hallucinations how come one bit him. If the author has anything more to say he will let us know and we will post it here. Again we apologise if you clicked here wishing to know more about the author, but trust us, it’s probably best you don’t.

Thank you for your time.

The author’s management.